Extreme Bumper Snickers

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a nonprophet organization.

I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I don't have a license to kill... But I do have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Keep honking while I reload.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Madness takes its toll. - Please have exact change.

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement&ensppark.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.

Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue&enspyou.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

Just say no - (to sex with pro-lifers.)

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

There are 3 kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't!

My karma just ran over your dogma...

Hit me the next time I say something stupid.

2003
It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

No one is listening until you fart.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.


Send Us More
Put the words "bumper snicker" in the subject line and
e-mail it to the anonymous webmaster.

Back to the Comics Anonyomus Prop Box